From the 1990s
Recently I was told a story that in many ways is full of pathos but at the same time it may just be able to highlight what so much of life is about. A father was teaching his little son to be less afraid and to be more courageous. He placed him on a stairwell and got him to jump into his arms. Step by step the little boy jumped until he got to the top step and again the father told him to jump and that he would catch him as he had done on all the previous occasions. He jumped but on this occasion the father stepped back and the little boy fell flat on his face. As he picked himself up bleeding and crying the father said to his child “never trust anyone not even your father”.
I am in no way suggesting that we look at this literally but rather we see it as a way of explaining an important truth. It is about betrayal and its implications in our life. Let’s for a moment look at our young people who have so much of life left in them. The securities of the past that so many of us were brought up in seem to have disappeared and we have had to search anew. We have even felt let down by the fact that what we saw as having given security in the past is no longer the case. We put all our eggs in the one basket with the certainty of it all being a very safe proposition. We may feel now that we have been sold short. Still there is the temptation to seek for and then rest in another water tight security yet in our hearts we know that for genuine growth such certainties cannot be the case. When we long for a situation where we can be protected from our own treachery and ambivalence and even possess next to perfect knowledge then we have given up the quest that makes us truly human. It is the denial of trust in others and in ourselves that steers us toward the absolutes that in turn deny us an insight into what it is to be human and loving as persons.
To love only where there is security and where one cannot be hurt or let down means that we are out of harms way and also out of life itself. A paradox of life is that if one leaps or jumps only where there are arms to catch then there is no real leap or faith in life itself. It is with our youth that trust is so vital. Genuine trust means that there is a creative richness about what happens in life and that there is a need for skill, ingenuity, courage and faith in the human experience.
Part of being human is the experience of being let down. The more sensitive, the more trusting the greater the letdown. The flight of steps can so often get higher and higher. Yet there is the choice we can all make of cribbing and making the steps smaller and smaller.
A recent article in the Saturday Herald is entitled “Honey, I flunked the kids” and the theme running through the writing is to do with the loss of authority that the parents of modern day teenagers are experiencing. So many of these parents who were products of the 60’s growing up years have discovered to their detriment that they have failed in their expectations and they are not sure where to go from here. The article says that in their desire to be modern and liberal the parents, neglected to set firm limits and boundaries that children need and want parents to set.
Authority is central to the avoidance of anarchy. Parenthood and authority work in tandem. But canhe force our authority on others? If we do then we fall into the trap of absolutism and fail to give wings to those we love for we become inhibiting forces in their lives. It becomes a relationship of control expressed in a continuing downward chain of command. Real authority does not carry unconditional power and if it is to be effective then it must be exercised within the limits of the group. It is above all rational and works for both the parent and the child.
Isn’t it meant to be in the family that we ourselves learn about life and what it means to love and the ultimate cost of loving? It is in those we share life with and who are part of our journey that we are able to discover the most valuable dimensions of life. There is now a certain togetherness in the jump we make. We are able to realise that a fall may be possible but it is not something we are looking for. In fact we will do our best to avoid it. Still we accept the fact that the possibility is always there and if we become so fearful about it and cover up our lives in cotton wool then we no longer live constructive and enriching lives either for ourselves or for those that we aim to love so dearly.
There is a point where we all must let go and just trust. Unless we do we are the losers. To live fully means that we are able to acknowledge that there is the possibility of being betrayed but the betrayal is in the fact that we have given our all to what is so precious. But isn’t this part of the christian message? If we go back to the ideal that this college stakes its existence on, namely being `Men for Others’ then it makes sense. It means that our giving does not have to be calculated and risk free but rather it can live with the uncertainty of giving in a world where not counting the cost of giving means that we can be judged as naive and silly. The acid test rests here and it is precisely here where the youth of our times will respond and be greatly in our debt in the years and decades ahead. They too will learn to jump and despite the possibility of betrayal they will be living life to the full.
John Hill
